Christmas through the innocent eyes of children

It seems that we adults try hard to recapture the feeling of excitement and anticipation of Christmases long ago. I find that the more I try to experience those feelings of childhood, the slipperier and more muddled they become, so I am thankful to be in retail during the holiday season, when I can see the season through the innocent eyes of children. Here are some conversations I've had with some of our wide-eyed, apple-cheeked little customers.

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A 10-year-old customer: "I have enough money to buy 70 grams of liquid mercury."

Me: "That's pretty dangerous stuff. Did you talk to your parents about asking Santa for it?"

Kid: "Yeah. They won't let me get it." [expectant pause]

Me: "I won't get it for you either."

Kid: "That's what my parents said you'd say."

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A 4-year-old customer: "How come you have wrinkles?"

Me: "Because I'm a crusty old fart."

Kid: "AH-hahahahahahahah! You're a grownup, and you said fart!"

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A 6-year-old customer making a pin-back button: "This is fun!"

Me: "You have a really good design!"

Kid: "If I make the designs, you can put the buttons together and then we can have . . . what do you call it when you have jobs?"

Me: "A business."

Kid: "Yeah! You and me can have a business!"

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A 6-year-old customer: "How do you make a Kleenex dance?"

Me: "I don't know. How do you make a Kleenex dance?"

Kid: "You put a boogie in it!"

Me: [on the floor cracking up]

Kid (pretending to pick his nose): "Here. I picked this just for you."

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Another 10-year-old customer: "Do you sell ammonium nitrate?"

Me: "I don't really want to know why you're asking, do I, Patrick."

Kid: "Probably not.